Learning to trust

Here I sit, on the eve of my first baby’s due date just having savored perhaps one of my last uninterrupted showers for a long time (as suggested by a co-worker and mother of two boys!). I finally feel ready, like this little guy can come and we don’t have many more boxes left to cross off. We are ready.

I didn’t know if I would get to this place.  I didn’t know if I would’ve had this moment.  Our little guy could’ve chosen to come an hour ago, yesterday, or even last week! What matters more than “being ready” is the deeper trust that has been growing in my heart as I’ve wondered when my baby would come in these moments of waiting, in those moments of not knowing! Should this little guy have made an appearance last week, or the month before, despite our to-do lists we would have been ready.

These last weeks have taught me a lot about trust.  Trusting that even if  the new little baby clothes weren’t put into neatly sorted drawer organizers, even if diapers had not been laid out on the changing table, even if books were not sorted onto the shelves, even if I hadn’t had a chance to make the last SMART boards or lesson plans, even if adapted spelling tests were not sorted into color coded folders, and so on everything would’ve been okay. Like freshly fallen snow that quiets the world stopping everyone in their tracks from continuing to perform and do and go to work, so does the arrival of this new bundle of joy into the world.  If he had decided to come last week or even the week before, our world would have had to stop, and it would’ve have had to be okay. And, I (we!) would have been okay! These last weeks have taught me to stretch out new trust muscles towards my Heavenly Father much like our little guy will soon stretch his tiny hands and feet in the days to come accepting that even I (and my baby, my family, my student, my long-term sub) will be okay without one more thing checked off the to-do list.  Trusting, trusting that the One who holds the galaxy in His hands, holds me and those all around me and knows just the right moment for this new life to enter our worlds.

Can’t wait to meet you baby boy, ready or not, trusting, trusting!